Cruise Musings

When we last left our intrepid adventurer he was trying to wash the fear off of his body.  Because that is totally what intrepid adventurers do.  

Let me show off more of my bold actions on this trip. The day before we went on the snorkeling adventure we went into the town of Freeport.  The first stop was a marketplace.  

The marketplace was an adventure as well.  There were a bunch of stalls housing brightly colored clothes, t-shirts, local crafts, and jewelry.  The proprietor of each spot was very vocal in their invitation to please buy from them.  This doesn't work for me.  I can't even make eye contact with anyone wearing a blue polo shirt at Best Buy.  If I happen to be wearing my blue polo I avoid me.  The hard sell makes me want to run away.  I fear if there comes a time I am dying of thirst and the only water available is being aggressively peddled by an overly gregarious person I will opt for thirst.

"Hey, there, sport, I got some top of the line H20 for you right here.  This water is wet and cold and will give your body life. The price is right, too." 

To which I respond, "That's okay, I'm just looking. " *cough* *gasp* *fall*

This fear of salespeople is just one of my issues.  I don't know if there is an entry in the DSM for another mental malady I seem to have. I'll use a story to illustrate what it is.

A while back Lori and I went to the Sprint Center to see a concert.  We sat down just as the opening act started. Soon after we sat down the people next to us decided it was time to make a visit to the concession stand.  Not three minutes later two different people came and sat in the recently vacated seats.  This kicked in my mental malady.  I started stewing about what was going to happen when the first people returned.* This made total sense as I was the duly appointed captain of the row.  Nobody knew I was the captain but I was on duty.  

This unfounded anxiety is brought to a boil whenever I travel by air.  

Some people put on sleep masks and plant their earbuds to detach and relax.  I need to do that because my captain of the row genes kick in and I am dropped into deep anxiety as people don't do what they are supposed to do.  They stop and spend an inordinate amount of time arranging their bags and such making it impossible for others to move, delaying the whole process which means the plane will be late taking off and I will miss my connector flight in Dallas which means I will have to pay for an extra hotel room night which means my monthly budget will be blown causing me to fail to save for my retirement and I will have to work at some fast food joint well into my seventies which causes me to eat french fries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner thus my cholesterol levels go through the roof hardening my arteries to the point that I pass away quietly in the break room while watching reruns of Dick Van Dyke on my smartphone.  All this happens because some lady wants to put her roller bag, her coat, and a shopping bag holding a teddy bear roughly the size of a Ford Escort in the overhead bin which is...against...the...rules!  

Then again, maybe not.  

*When the people came back everything turned out fine.  The people sitting next to the seats in question were in the wrong row and politely moved making room for the right people in the right spots.  It was a good thing I was there to spend all that mental energy making it possible for the right thing to happen with no actual action on my part.